[2024-09-29 note: This was previously posted on Cohost, on 2022-11-11 at https://cohost.org/ireneista/post/258181-we-have-a-privacy-jo but the irenes.space URL is the permanent one.]
We have a privacy joke but you need to opt in to personalized avertising before you can hear it.
We have a privacy joke but it's only for groups of 10,000 people or more.
We have a privacy joke but legal wouldn't sign off on explaining the details to the public.
We have a privacy joke but we can't tell it to you without SVP approval.
This is a good email thread, thank you for it. We'd like to mention that we have a privacy joke. Unrelatedly, please put a video call on our calendar if there's anything you'd like to talk about.
We have a privacy joke, but please don't take notes on it.
This privacy joke isn't intended to track anyone, it's meant for very large groups of people such as 100,000 or more. However, we can't promise we won't tell it to individuals.
We've established an independent oversight body to tell privacy jokes. The committee members include our chief legal officer and a former spokesperson for the Department of Defense.
We take privacy jokes very seriously, which is why we can't tell you any.
This privacy joke is extremely funny. That's our promise to you, the user. Unfortunately we can't explain why, for business reasons.
This privacy joke can only be appreciated with the help of some PhD-level math, but trust us, it's funny!
At least one of these privacy jokes is funny, but you gain no knowledge about which one.
The researchers who invented the techniques used in this privacy joke would be surprised to learn anyone has applied their work, but please take our word that it's funny.
We can't tell you this privacy joke because your laughter might identify you.
We had a privacy joke but it's past the retention period, so we don't have a record of it anymore.
There's no point in telling you this privacy joke, because you could already get more personal information from an earlier joke.
We have two versions of this privacy joke, depending on whether you've opted in to tracking or not.
A researcher tried to do a study of this privacy joke, but unfortunately the wording confused them.
We have several different versions of this privacy joke, depending on the applicable jurisdiction, but unfortunately we weren't able to figure out where you are so we can't tell it to you.
You need to sign in so we know who you are, before we can tell you this privacy joke.
If you don't want us to tell you this privacy joke, you need to sign out.
Please click "yes" to acknowledge that we have told you a privacy joke. If you disagree, you can click "no" to acknowledge that we have told you a privacy joke.
We can safely assume that you have consented to hear this privacy joke, because our business model relies on you hearing it.
While it is mandated by the GDPR that we tell you a privacy joke, the details are left up to the member states, and are not yet final.
The wording of this privacy joke appears to contradict well-established practices, so if it comes up in court we intend to argue that it's impossible to tell it to you.
This privacy joke is an attorney-client work product, and its details are privileged and confidential, which is why you are reading it on this billboard.
ATTORNEY-CLIENT COMMUNICATION; PRIVILEGED AND CONFIDENTIAL
Does anybody want to buy some girl scout cookies from our daughter? She said they're a privacy joke.
Privacy jokes should be incorporated into your product or feature from the earliest stages of its design. You are coming to us for the first time to hear a privacy joke before your public launch tomorrow. Do you see the problem?
...
Thank you for your patience; joke approved.
This website tells you a privacy joke. That's all we're required to say, under the law.
You can opt out of hearing this privacy joke by sending a written letter to our corporate office in Dublin. If you need the address of that office, please ask your legal counsel.
This privacy joke does not use your microphone. It doesn't need to, because we know everything about you from other sources anyway.
Your response to this privacy joke will be reported only in aggregated form. We're hoping that distracts you from the fact that anyone can buy an ad targeting you, specifically, by name.
Your laughter at this privacy joke, if any, will be reported only in aggregated form. People reading the report will not be able to tell who you are, only where you live and what your name is.
If you would like us to delete all records of telling you this privacy joke, click here and we will process the deletion as soon as we can. "As soon as we can" is defined to mean sometime before the heat-death of the universe.
If you would like us to delete all records of telling you this privacy joke, click on this "delete" button. For business reasons, we will retain a record that you clicked on the "delete" button.
If you would like to delete your account, click here. Any attempt within the next 30 days to verify that it worked, will cancel the deletion, like Orpheus escorting Eurydice out of the underworld.
If you would like us to forget any privacy jokes we've told you, please create an account.
We will not tell you any privacy jokes without your express written consent, which you give us in perpetuity by clicking "okay".
We will use your laughter at this privacy joke only for the purposes enumerated here:
If you would like to hear a privacy joke, buy us a coffee next time you see us at a conference. We can't tell it properly on Twitter.
[This one is by a friend.]
We (*flip a coin*)... don't have a privacy joke for you.
The trick to writing these privacy jokes without getting into legal hot water was removing just enough detail that none of them are about any single situation we've encountered.
The meta-circular irony of that was not lost on us.
[This was a thread on the other site; we didn't want to lose it.]